he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
