Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
