A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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