Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You need Xanax blowdarts
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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