If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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