just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
