I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
