he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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