So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
two words: eviction party
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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