I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
