I think i sorta joined a cult last night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
