I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You are a genius and a whore.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
