So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
