idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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