all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
