why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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