is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
