On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
