the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
