____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We named our party play list daddy issues
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
