Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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