i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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