I need help removing her.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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