i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
