she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
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