Welp...herpes.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
