Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
