Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
