I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
