you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
