There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i love accidental penises.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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