why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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