Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
