he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im holly from the hills drunk
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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