I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
