the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
