And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
