Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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