He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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