Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
