But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
