pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
