if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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