I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
