Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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