WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
