Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
