I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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