pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
