i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
