Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
