I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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