first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i drank out of a bidet.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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