He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
